Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
