Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating

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(917): View more from New York City

i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium

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(214): View more from Texas

More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me

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(613): View more from Ontario

There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"

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(813): View more from Florida

Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.

(727): View more from Florida

Savage

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(562): View more from California

Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad

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