wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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