Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
