Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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