Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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