i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
