so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
