Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
