PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
