Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
