All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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