omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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