you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i've created a new STD.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The air taste purple.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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