I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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