85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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