I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
