So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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