Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
