Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
