i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize