We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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