How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
MIDGETS
????
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize