he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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