Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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