Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
