did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
