Sponge bath it is.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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