The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
