hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you would pick up someone in the library
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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