Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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