writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
