Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
