it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
