Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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