I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
