you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
