i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
