I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
