If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
