My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know her cup size but not her name....
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