I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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