Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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