remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
