Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize