White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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