I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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