He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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