you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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