We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
