I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
