I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
