O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
