some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
