I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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