Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
