He had one of those small greek statue penises
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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