Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize