those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
