I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
