Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
