umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His hands were made for my vagina.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
