It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
