I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
