I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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