I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
did i just pee glitter
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize