I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do vagina's smell?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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