just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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