I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
