lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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