my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
