Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
