im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
