my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
