help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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