How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
