Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
