she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
