the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize