I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
