Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
