You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
