I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
