last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
