i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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