there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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