i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
