i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
