Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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