Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
