she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
