just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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