I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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