You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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