How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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