I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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