they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
