Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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