i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
