Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
