I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
