But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
