There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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