I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im drinking this country out of the recession.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
