Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
