My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
