She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize