You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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