my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize