we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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