im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
