Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
