Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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