Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
