Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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