after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
