How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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