Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
