I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Come share oat with me in your robe
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
