i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am available for nakedness
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
