when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
